My Inner Woman has PMS, My Inner Child is Teething, and My Inner Voice Has Laryngitis

plus a million other things that give me a headache.

Me, the Internet and 69 October 31, 2009

Filed under: Penny for Your Thoughts — pennybloom @ 10:47 am
Tags: , , , , ,

The Internet and I have a lot in common.  We both like sex.  You don’t know me, but you know the internet, so…


But that is not our only common trait.  Sure we both have boobs — the Internet has larger boobs — but our common thread is even deeper than that. (Don’t read anything funny into deeper — or go ahead and I’ll blush for you.)


We are both children of 69.  We are both Gen-X’rs.  What does that mean to us?  What does that mean to the world?


A Re-Tweet I got today got me to thinking about just that.  It’s highly recommended:

How Forgotten GenX Changed the World


When the Internet and I were babies, we were both trapped in little boxes.  (One day, I’ll tell you the funny story about how my mom saved money on a crib by putting me in a suitcase for six months and my aunt thought that it was cute when she closed the lid and that is why I have spent thousands of dollars on therapy for claustrophobia, but not today.)


Soon after those dark and lonely beginnings, the Internet and I both started to network around a small circle of friends within a very limited circle.  In fact, both the Internet and I had very little outside interaction until our pre-adolescence with more than a delicately monitored group of protective guardians.


But then all hell broke loose.  For both of us.  Once we got out – we got OUT!


The trials and perils of being global have never been demonstrated as well as they have through the Internet, and in my own little life.  Meeting strange and fascinating people.  Meeting fascinatingly strange people.  Meeting strange people.  The Internet and I have done a lot of all of that.


So, when you’ve gotten out, and toured the world, and seen it’s peaks and valleys, its beauty and its ugliness, its sublime art and its subversive trash, what does that do to you?


Well, here again, the Internet and I have had strangely similar reactions.  We’ve both crashed a couple of times, and gotten back up.  We’ve both gotten viruses.  (There’s you with your dirty mind again–think the flu and Moctezuma’s revenge — get your mind out of the gutter!)


But as Nietzsche so rightly put it: “What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger.”


We haven’t perished, the Internet and I, despite claims that we were just a random trend, despite occasionally being ill-used and misunderstood, despite making mistakes.  We’ve held strong.  We’ve endured.  We’ve stuck to our basic philosophy that, in the end, what the world is sorely lacking, what it needs most, what it craves even more than water, is connection.


Many years ago, when I was just an inexperienced smart-ass (now I am an experienced smart-ass), I told a male friend who was much smarter than me (aren’t they always), that this Internet thing could make lots of money for people and would be a boon for business.  He laughed. “Ha! Ha! Ha! The Internet is a vehicle for education and research, it will never be commercialized,” he said.


She who laughs last laughs best, and the Internet and I are both giggling hysterically over this.


But, as any of us who have been in the depths of the commercial arena have learned, there are perilous perils for those unprepared.


I’ve recently had a very ugly wake up call to this, and for a while, it caused me to break up with the Internet entirely (even though she has been such a good friend).  There be monsters.  There be pirates. There be threats of every kind on every shore…(sound of Captain Ahab cackling.)


Now that we are both going through our little mid-life crisis, I’d like to impart some advice to my friend, the Internet, on how to survive and thrive and make the world a better place, no matter what Leviathans may roam the depths.


1) Promote the Common Good – even if your aim is commercial, it does not preclude you from doing good while making money.

2) Have Zero-Tolerance for Theft – property earned or created should be property kept.  Persons promoting piracy are not freeing anything of anything; the only things they are free of are morals and ethics.  We must ensure that all people are protected from theft, be it of money, or data, or intellectual property.  All people.  Always.  There has been some discussion in Britain about eliminating access rights to the Internet to those culpable of Piracy Initiatives that merit serious discussion.   Of course, they appear to brush up against the noble aim to ensure Internet access as a basic human right.  Which I support.  We should not get these things confused.  Living on the planet is a basic human right, but it does not mean we let people steal things willy-nilly (unless we’re living in anarchy).  Likewise, the Internet should have the right to cast out Predators.  We need to.  It’s a wild jungle out there and we have to join ranks and protect against intruders.

3) Be Paranoid – About Security. As the saying goes: just because you’re paranoid doesn’t mean they’re not out to get you.  They are.  Big time.  Security Specialists around the world should be postponing sleep until death, because there are some major holes in the web that need mending.

4) Don’t Abandon Your Dreams – They are all you have that matters.  The aspirations of the Internet, from its conception have been noble and grand.  They should continue to be.  Like nothing else in Human History, the Internet has the potential to be the thing that tips our consciousness over the edge and helps us achieve a greater level of enlightenment.  (Dawning of the Age of Aquarius plays softly in the background and builds to crescendo.) Yes!  Enlightenment, higher consciousness, the final great evolution of people living in one world thinking with many minds and once and finding wonderful revealing connections.  Don’t believe me?  Watch these spaces:



These are the kinds of things that would have given Carl Jung an orgasm, that would have made Joseph Campbell convulse in ecstasy.  We are beginning to see connections, being given the tools to see them instantly, and what the mind does when the synapses are stimulated is truly a beautiful thing.  (As Paris Hilton repeatedly points out – Intellectuals are Hot – OK? Deal with it.)

5) Be Glorious – Be Proud, Be Noble, Be Beautiful, Be Quirky, Be Yourself, Be Somebody Else, Be Whatever You Want to Be but stay Free.  One of the biggest concerns I have over points 1, 2 and 3, is that, if the Internet is not adamant and intransigent about independently being all of these things, then the Conquerors will come and set up flags.  This is the rule of History.  Where a society (and the Internet is the largest society in Human History) is unregulated, Tyrants appear to fill in the gaps.  This does not call for revolution, it calls for order, for self-regulation and for responsible pro-active citizenry.


So for her 40th Birthday, the greatest gift we can give the Internet, is to let her own her fine self, and stand proud and firm.  All of us who (like me) are 69’ers (or roundabouts) have a calling to ensure this.  All GenX’ers can remember a time when this was our dream, our legacy to the world, yet to be realized.  Now, it is here, and we have to defend her, because let’s face it, the Boombers are tired and the Y’s and Millenials are busy with other stuff. (Like Tweeting about Twilight – God save Humanity!)


We may be, as Martin Zwilling points out, “the forgotten generation,” but we haven’t forgotten anything.  We still have really good memories and pretty large balls.  We are the hard salamy between two generations of white bread.  No disrespect intended – I mean only that, by and large, we had it tougher than our parents and tougher than our younger siblings and offspring.


We’re lean, we’re mean, and we’re going to get this Earth Clean!


I’ve been bloodied and bruised from my travails, but that’s only made paradoxically meaner and kinder.  Meaner because I’m less tolerant of nonsense and predatorial behavior.  Kinder because I appreciate good people far more than I ever did.  I’ve also learned that even if someone tries to tear you down to ashes, you can rise like a Phoenix when your determination knows no bounds.


The Internet can do the same, and we should support her, we should encourage her to be her own great self.


I plan to spend the next 40 years of my life being absolutely amazing, and I plan to have an absolutely amazing Internet to live my life on.



I leave you with the thoughts of a one of the greatest philosophers of the 20th century:

A dame that knows the ropes isn’t likely to get tied up.

– Mae West


…and that was a Penny for Your Thoughts!





The Waist Land October 28, 2009

A Shout out to my friend T.S. – Fellow Cat Lover!

I have seen with my own eyes the Sibyl hanging in a jar, and when the boys asked her “What do you want?” She answered, “I want to die.”

April was the cruelest month for breeding

And May left me in dismay, desire a memory stirring

No more.

Winter fat left on the bone,

Bloated without

Purpose, forgotten snow, no feeding

Little life, dried tubes.

Summer rained its showers and I could

Not wear bikini in the sunlight,

Bloated indoors

And drank coffee and talked for hours to

Kein Lieblings, kein mere.

Where were children on sled?

I was frightened.

He said fight.

In the mountains there you are free.

I looked to breasts and said, How-

Out of this stony rubbish?

The roots that clutched,

The branches that grew

Were snatched and torn

And I could feel nothing but the sun beats,

No cricket, no relief, no waters left to

Pour out of the red rock.

Not even the shadow of the red rock.

And just the shadow rising to meet me,

Fear in a handful of lust.

You gave me daisies a year ago,

When I was known to be the unwisest woman in Europe,

Living with a wicked bunch of cards.

I see crowds of people, walking round a ring.

Thank you.

One must be more careful these days.

London Bridge fell down, fell down, fell down

And Bethlehem and Elysium went down with it,

And I was left a crowded flower


I had not thought death could undo so many,

With my nails I would have

Dug out his hollow eyes!

And still I cried, and still the world pursued,

The words pursued, jug jug, to experienced ears and

I was found wanting when I was tried.

You said remember those were pearls.

Their eyes.


Their lips.


No rose, only thorns.

Good night, angels, good night, sweet angels, good night, good night.

By the waters of Silver I sat down and wept,

By the waters of Seinne I sat down and wept,

By the waters of Duero I sat down and wept,

By the waters of Elbe I sat down and wept,

By the waters of Liffey I sat down and wept,

Dragging my slimy belly on the bank.

Et O ces voix d’enfants, chantant dans la coupole!

Unreal World

Under the red fog of a winter’s moon.

Hardly aware of my departure,

My brain allowing half-formed thoughts to pass:

‘Well now that’s that’s done: and I’m glad it’s over.’

Smoothing hair with automatic hand,

Music playing on my iPhone,

‘This music crept by me upon the waters’

And the waters spilled upon the banks,

Out out damn spot.

He promised “a new start.”

What should I resent?

Who can connect nothing with nothing.

Left only with broken fingernails on manicured hands,

My people haughty people who express


To Copenhagen I came

Burning burning burning burning

as the final judgement was passed


O Lord Thou pluckest them out

O Lord Thou pluckest


A deep sewn well is the very

Profit and Loss

As I rose and Fell

Passing the stages of age and youth

Lost in the whirlpool

Turning the wheel that looks inward

You picked my bones

As I rose and fell

Then there was red on frosty gardens

Agony in flowery places

Shouting and Crying

Palaces a prision

And reverberation of thunder

In my Spring over distant mountains

She who was dead is living

With a little patience and a little





Drip drop drip


Who is the third that walks beside us

When I look there are only you and I together

But there are footsteps beside ours

Ah the Murmur of maternal lamentation

Over endless pains, and stumbling on cracked earth.



Dada Dayadhvam

Each in our prison

We have lost the keys

Each in our prison

At nightfall

Revived for a moment broken Aerolas

The hand expert

You see calm

Your heart responded Gaily,

When invited by controlling hands.

I sat upon the shore.

Shall I at least set my lands in order?

falling down falling down falling down

My fair lady

Don’t rain on my parade and

Leave me singing in the rain

Of men


Hello Dolly

These fragments I have shored against my ruins.

Why then I’ll fill you,

Erogenous mad again.

Datta. Dayadhvam.  Damyata.

Shantih shantih, Chianti


then he asked me would I yes to say yes my mountain flower and first I put my arms around him yes and drew him down to me so he could feel my breasts all perfume yes and his heart was going like mad and yes I said yes I will Yes. October 20, 2009

This is for my Good Friend Joyce who would have liked to have been Molly, I think, maybe she is in this life — NaNoNaNuNaNoNaNu! (Trying to do Twilight Zone but sound like Mork from Ork–what a Dork I am. Hee-Hee Rhyme)


You lost me at YES. YES the feminine, the Yin YES. The feminine Acquiesces. The feminine adapts. The feminine Conforms. I have been YES! like the river flowing YES, finding paths of least resistance YES, adapting YES, freezing YES, thawing YES, boiling YES oh Yes, evaporating YES! I have quenched thirst, yes, but remain thirsty-still. I have given life, yes, but remain sterile-still. And YES. I have YES. I can YES I will. YES. Oh Yes. YES!

You lost me at YES.

The Gurus say YES become YES-sayer. Mother is YES.  Sister is YES. Lover is YES.  Good-Wife is YES.  Girlfriend is YES.  Woman is YES.  Leader is NO.

YES is the root of all evil. YES is the fall. YES is the tip of the iceberg that sinks the unsinkable ship.  But NO stands alone.  NO is not yours, YES. NO is the male.

If you, YES, say No, YES, then Black Hat and Green Skin and Warts and All for you YES.  Then No Peace and No Place and No-thing for you, YES.  Then Dust, YES.  Dust. Ashes. The fire for you, YES, when No.

And No. Not for me, YES. You lost me at YES.  And NO I won’t buy it and NO I won’t believe it and NO I won’t wear it and NO I won’t do it and NO I won’t say it and NO I won’t stop and NO I won’t be quiet and NO I won’t go away and NO I won’t quit.  I will Never Never Never Never Quit.  NO! Because Yes! NO is mine.  And Yes, I say No.

No easy path to happiness for me and No top models for me and No Do’s and Dont’s for me and No What not to Wear for me and No nonsense for me.

No banana for me, NO.  Well, OK.  Maybe.


Are you there God? It’s me, Penny. October 18, 2009

In honor of the woman my mother wouldn’t let me read for fear I might figure out periods and commas! No flower can bloom without a dose of Blume. (You can bet this rebel with a cause was reading it in secret anyway so there mom :-p)

My body is changing and I don’t know how to manage it.  I’m not thin like I was before.  Weight just seems to show up each morning from nowhere, no matter what I eat. OK, you see all, you see me nibble on chocolate.  But c’mon!  It’s not any more than I usually ate?  OK, it’s more, but c’mon!  I just lost my job..I..just lost my business for heaven’s sake, and now you want me to start over without a chocolate high to keep me sane!?  You’d better send me a sign.  You did it for Moses.  You did it for Sarah.  Why not for Penny?  It wouldn’t have to be a big sign either.  No parting of seas or great bolts of lightning.  Nothing scary.  I am freaked out enough as it is.

Tell me what to do with my hair.  That would work.  For a start.  Is long hair really not the thing to do at 40?  Hubby likes it.  Or so he says, but you know him.  He’s so sweet.  He says everything is perfect, even when we both know it’s not.  Should I get a perm?  Will that cheer me up?  Highlights?  My hair has gone dull dishwater blond again.  What a horrible name for a hair color.  Who the heck came up with that?  Hairstylists wanting to push Highlights, that’s who.  “Ooooooh, you have such an interesting shade of blond.” they coo, “It’s pretty.  Dishwater Blond, but very rich.  It could be nicer with some highlights, of  course…”  Boom! Sold.  You know me.  I’m very open to suggestions.

I don’t know why I get up in the morning.  I used to get up at the crack of dawn, knowing I was Queen of the World, Empress of my Domain, you remember?  Yes, with the Power Suits and the PowerBook, armed and ready to Divide and Conquer my Territory.  If I wasn’t supposed to have gone into the sales thing, why didn’t you tell me sooner?  If I was supposed to be a homemaker like mom, why didn’t you just shoot me down when I first started.  I would have taken the hint?  You let me rise to the top, and then be thrown off a cliff.  That was just plain mean.

OK.  Sorry.  Not really your fault.  Free-Will and all that.  Fine.  My fault.  But what now?  What comes next?  You have got to send me a sign. How about using Twitter? I’m on Twitter…are you?  Yep.  I have become a Twit.  Or is it Twitterer..I don’t know yet.  Just getting to know this stuff.  Do you have any idea how hard it is to start again?  I guess you do, with the Great Flood and all that.

So, I’ve been loyal and faithful and good and kind, and done what I was supposed to do, so could you possibly find a minute to let me know what comes next?  I realize it’s a big universe, and I am only a tiny spec, but could you please, pleeeeeeaaaaassse, take a second for little ol’ Penny, and tell me for starters, do I get the perm and the highlights or just cut the whole thing off?